Ice Cavern Studios

I'm doing it again. Heading back to my alma mater. Going to do this house parties thing one last time. I'm really excited. I've been looking forward to this for a while.

I packed tonight. Not my formal wear, since the cleaners closed before I could get there, but my regular cloths are all packed. I'm trying something new, instead of just taking my suitor, I'm also taking my carry-on travel bag. I have a lot of formal stuff to wear, as well as a lot of non-formal stuff to wear, so trying to get it to fit all in one bag is silly. Thankfully the carry-on has wheels. Going to be so sweet.

In other news, congrats to the UM homies. Ya'll is done. Go get your party on.

Life and Times

With all of the news of the new Pope, I've been trying to get a greater understanding of the Catholic Church. Since I started to date Nicole, I've actually been able to learn a lot through her. (She's Catholic in case you weren't aware) But there are some things that she just can't explain. It's not her fault, it's just not something she is equipped to do. So I've been trying to get some information from other sources.

At the moment, the best source has been the internet. I'd choose the local (redmond) Catholic church, but having already attended one of their masses with Nicole; I know that they aren't a typical church in the least. So they aren't going to be much help. (When we went the week after Easter, an unordained woman…yes woman, gave the homily) Unfortunately, as with many things, the internet does not serve as a particularly good place to research this stuff.

I will say that I was able to find a page that helped me find some information. Tonight I started by trying to find out about the Eucharist; more specifically, where in the Bible does it say that communion IS the body of Christ. I've been particularly intrigued by this; mainly because this was always a reason I said I couldn't be Catholic.

So after much searching. And a good deal of weeding out blind non-logic (it's everywhere on the web), I was actually able to find something useful. Much to my surprise, I found a page that actually had Bible versus in it discussing it. As it turns out, if you don't take each Bible verse as an individual thing, but look at the New Testament as a whole, the communion IS supposed to be the blood of Christ.

This is a very shocking thing for me. It really is. Have I been looking at the Bible in a way that was not conclusive to understanding it? Are Protestant church's being short sided in their interpretation of the Bible? By looking so closely at individual verses, do we simply ignore what's being said?

I don't know. I think I need to look into this further. Because I've begun to wonder about Protestantism versus Catholicism. Both recognize and worship the same Trinity. The same Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Why is there such animosity between the groups. Why is it that Protestants so vehemently question the tradition of the Catholic church, when they are caught up in just as much tradition (mainly the animosity towards the church).

I found myself in an odd state. I am neither fully Protestant, but yet not Catholic. How much of my beliefs come from the fact that I was raised Protestant? Logically speaking, I am at a conundrum. My faith in God is still strong. And I believe that his Son, Jesus Christ, was sent to die for my sins. That has not changed.

But I am confused. Which side is right? It's hard because on both sides of the coin, I see logical things I can understand. But it's hard to get any kind of help trying to go between because both sides make arguments for both.

At this point, the best thing to do is pray. And God will eventually make things clearer. I just have to wait.

Life and Times

I don't know exactly when it happened. I really don't. But at some point in the past couple of months, I just don't feel smart anymore. It's kind of disheartening. I used to feel confident in my own intellect. I used to have that feeling of knowing I would always be as smart as almost everyone in a room I walked into. Now, I just don't feel that.

One would think that, after four years at f'in Princeton, I wouldn't have to worry about this. I mean, if I'm supposed to feel inferior to people, it should be there. When EVERYONE is friggen brilliant. Hell, the people I hung out in high school were all smart. So why is it that I suddenly feel like the low man on the totem pole?

I don't know. I guess I've just become more self aware. Or just more aware of how I always seem to be “the dumb one” in the group, who's there to add “color” to the conversation. Basically, I'm charismatic and a fun guy to be around, but if brains are needed, I'm pretty much out.

I can't figure out why, but everyone just assumes I'm full of it. All the damn time. I know Nicole generally thinks I don't know what I'm talking about. She's told me as much. But I don't really mind it coming from her. I know she's smarter than me. I've already accepted that and the fact that she tends to be right most of the time. But it's everyone else, that it's sometimes hard to deal with.

I keep going to these alumni functions, although I really don't know why. I never feel like I belong. Like somehow, I'm not smart enough to be there. It's like everything I say, I'm wrong. I get challenged on everything I say. I get all of what seem to be such obvious flaws in anything I do pointed out to me. And it's just…frustrating.

And it sucks, because I know that it makes no sense at all. I have every right to feel smart. That I know what I'm talking about. I have an engineering degree from Princeton. Hell, I got IN to Princeton. I work for bloody Microsoft. What more do I have to do? What more do I have to say to prove that, maybe, just maybe, I'm a rational competent human being?

I just…fuck. Pardon my language, but that's the only word that begins to relate how I'm feeling. I used to feel confident, like I knew I was smart. Somewhere along the lines, I just lost that. It's really the difference between knowing and believing. I know I'm smart. I have the test scores, the degree, and the job to prove it. But I just don't believe it anymore.

And that is why this sucks. Because I want to believe again. I want to feel that people aren't just trying to make me feel better. I want my confidence back.

I wish I could put into words how I feel, but I know that isn't going to happen. It's hard enough writing what I do, day to day, to begin with. But that's a blog for another time.

Life and Times

I'm currently watching Without a Trace and I just got finished CSI. I've been thinking a lot about Princeton recently. A lot of it has to do with Nicole's upcoming graduation, but I've been excited about going to House Parties with Nicole. I've basically just been really getting into a Princeton mood.

I don't know why, but watching CSI really makes me think back to my last two years at school. I guess because I used to watch it while TAing, and then, when my shift would be over, I'd go out and party. Or sometimes, I'd just chill. Either way, it was a good time for all.

So now I'm out of school, and watching this Thursday night line up recalls a lot of memories. Most of them good. It also reminds me how much I sometimes miss Princeton. How much I miss my friends. How much I miss the band and playing every week. How much I miss just being in the same zip code as Nicole.

It doesn't help that I had a young alumni event last night. I spent a couple of hours talking about band, school, eating clubs, and old friends. Really makes me anxious to get back. I'd be lying to say I haven't been looking forward to getting back since Nicole left. I'm really psyched. So many people to see. Time to be with Nicole again. I just can't wait.

Life and Times

So I’m at the office waiting for an install to finish, so I have a bit of time before I have to get back to work (Yes, I’m at the office, more of that later). So I’ve decided to talk first about Sakura-Con and the reaction I get about Nicole’s decision.

So first about Sakura-Con. It was awesome. I’m actually surprised at how much fun I had, considering how much I was dreading the weekend as I approached it. Before the con started, I was looking at it like it was going to suck hardcore. I mean, I’d have to race from work to SeaTac airport a few times. I’d have to pull long days. And I wasn’t even sure if I’d be doing anything cool with anyone cool. A lot was in the air. And wouldn’t you know it, things turned out really well.

The first night (Thursday) was one of my favorite moments of the con. Basically, the con doesn’t officially start until Friday morning, but staff (not volunteers – I’ll get to that in a bit), have to come in generally on Thursday to begin preparing. Especially since a lot of the con-goers arrive Thursday night. Well, it was a lot like the first day of each session at Camp CAEN. A lot of people working running around trying to get stuff taken care of.

For my area of operation (Programming, specifically live), we initially met to discuss what was going on before heading to the C&C (Command and Coordination) room to start getting things organized. Initially, I was scheduled to work in the C&C as well as man a closed circuit TV channel (basically sit in room and hit play on a bunch of dvd’s). Now, this wasn’t exactly possible, seeing as how I was supposed to do both at the same time, in different buildings. Um..yeah.

But due to a interesting mishap. The entire room was in complete disarray and nothing was set up at all. We were also missing half of the dvds we were supposed to be playing. (They were still en-route from storage). I don’t really remember how it happened. But at some point, I kicked into Head-Counselor mode and began getting things organized. Within about 30 minutes I reorganized the CCTV channel and Anime Theater lineups for the night and began getting all of the DVD’s we did have together. I got a big kick out of it. I like fixing problems and showing people that I can get stuff done and keep my cool.

So yeah, when I finally left around Midnight, I knew it would be fun. Of course, I had to survive Friday. Friday was going to be fun because I was going into work early (7:30) and then coming to the con at 1. Man, let me tell you. That was interesting. While I did it, I was a zombie for a good portion of the day. Especially since I had to continue working till about 8. Now, there were all kinds of festivities going on, but I didn’t get a chance to join in. I was so tired that I went home and passed out. I did manage to meet a bunch of people and see a lot of cool Cos-players.

The day that really cemented things for me was Saturday. Saturday I found myself being all over the place and being really useful. The morning was pretty uneventful, but in the afternoon, it was determined that we needed to feed the Programming staff. And the person in charge of Programming wanted to order Pizza. Well, I volunteered to take care of it, and using my MS Prime card, I got a great deal on Pizza. Which made people appreciative. What made them more so was when I volunteered to give up my 2 hours of free time between the panel I was looking in on and running the sumo suit room, to watch the arts and craft room. (We were understaffed and a lot of us had to just fill in and be flexible).

Now, for the six hours starting with the Arts and Crafts room, and continuing on into the Sumo room, I had a really good time. In the Arts and Crafts room, I sat and entertained various con-goers as we made these little puff-ball things. It was fun in that really kind of chill way. After that, I spent 4 hours in the sumo room. Taking a suggestion from the person who did it in the previous year, we had a sumo tournament. Nothing says fun like having to come up with a bracket on the fly. But the people who competed were really cool and we had a good time making up anime inspired back stories for everyone.

When my time was finally done, I dragged myself back to the C&C to get dinner and relax for a bit. Now, originally, I planned on heading home around 9. Well, at 8:30, the assistant manager of Programming asked if I could take his hour shift in the C&C room (he trusted me more than the rest of the people in the room at the time). I figured, what the hell, why not. I have nothing else to do. Well, this was the beginning of the next part of the adventure.

Around 9:15, one of the girls working Live Programming and her roommate come in. They have 800 glow-rings that need to be snapped, coupled and prepared for distribution at the dance that night. (More on that in a bit). So I agree (having nothing better to do), and we began to assemble rings. As they are doing that, I figure, I should go to the dance, it’ll be fun. Since I’m wearing a pair of raver pants from Yellow Raw Bastard (thanks Pat), I said, we can attach them to my straps. We spent the next 30 minutes attaching rings to my pants. Nothing says fun like looking up at the Con chair who had just walked in and asking him, “Want to help us attach glow sticks to my pants?” We had a lot of fun with this.

As we finished, we headed up to the dance. Now, this was an interesting experience. We walk in and they are blasting DDR music and have AMVs (Anime Music Video’s) playing. My initial reaction was…SWEET! So I quickly moved to get as many of the glow rings handed out as possible. This took all of about 7 minutes. It was pretty easy. After that I just kind of had a good time, dancing with my coworkers. The people there could dance surprisingly well, and there were a bunch of circles where various people (including myself) got in to break it down.

Around midnight, I figured I’d head home. Just as I was about to leave, I heard a song I really liked and went back in. At this point, they had kicked out all of the minors, and had finished fixing the dance floor (it broke, I’m serious). As I’m walking around, I ran into one of my coworkers who had just gotten to the dance (she had been working till then). So I decided, what they hey, I’ll hang with her for a little bit. Well, we ended up dancing for another 2 hours. What can I say, I hadn’t been to a club in a long time. Let alone one that had good dj’s spinning really good techno.

So Christine and I headed back to the C&C, me to grab my stuff to go home, and her to just hang out. Well, I realized that I was too tired to drive back, so I figured I’ll call a cab. And then get one back in the morning. Unfortunately, the company didn’t dispatch a cab. SO after 45 minutes of waiting and watching anime, I gave that up. Instead, I grabbed my manager (who was now inebriated), Christine, and another coworker and we went to Denny’s for food. This was fun.

After Denny’s, I figured I’d just stay up. Since I had a panel at 9 to work, I’d be better off. No sooner had I decided this, than I passed out in the chair I was sitting in. I woke up four hours later, just in time for my panel. That was definitely unexpected.

Sunday was more chill. Things were winding down. I had the 9:00 am web comics panel which was pretty cool, I listened to a bunch of really big web comic artists answer questions and shoot the breeze for an hour. After that I hit up the dealer room for the first time and picked up some anime I had been wanting to find. I then went to a panel I just wanted to see, which turned out to be un-staffed and in too small a room. Needless to say. I got to work another panel I would have just gone to anyway. Pretty sweet deal.

I then grabbed lunch and wondered as I checked on my final panel (it was really boring, barely anyone went to it). As my shift finally ended. I went back to the C&C and just hung out/ watched anime with people. It was a very pleasant way to end things. After finally making my good-byes, I packed up and went home.

Looking back. I’m glad I worked the con this year. I liked the people I worked with, and I’m excited to see them at the coming meetings. The people were very cool and just generally awesome to chill with. Plus it was fun to be a complete anime nerd for a weekend. I mean, I get to geek out a lot. I do it at work all the time. But it’s not often that I get to “Nerd-out” like this. I mean, almost everyone there was down with both techno and anime. It was sweet. So yeah, I had a good time. And I’m definitely going to do it again.

Life and Times