I don't know why, but it seems like every afternoon around 2:30, I hit my stride. It's like the earlier part of the day is just the ramp up. And 2:30 is go time. It's always at this time that I sync up with my music, and my work just…flows.
I love this feeling. When my code just flows like a river of silk. Super smooth and powerful. This is my version of the zone. I imagine this is what athletes feel when on a hot streek. It feels good. Especially after a slump.
The only thing is that it's real easy to hit my stride and ride it too long. This is often how I have ended up staying till 7:30-8:00. But, as long as I just keep tabs on what time it is, I should be good to go. Although…sometimes, it's nice to stay late. I get to blast my music and just let it roll. *shrugs*
Life and Times
Today was a pretty good day. It started off not so much, but man, it just improved. Having a good mentor at work is really important. Ryan, sensed i was having a tough time, and he got my head on straight. I still miss Nicole like crazy, but I'm in a state of mind that I can leave her alone for a while.
I think that's going to be the toughest time. I want to ease back into things with Nicole, but I know that for now, I need to stay out of her life as much as possible. I know that this isn't easy for her. It's not easy for me, and I know it's not easy for her. But this will be good for the both of us.
I just hate the waiting.
But work is going well. I'm not in a fog anymore. So things are going well. Which is good. I'm still going to the gym, although I'm not going to keep doing Capoeira like I thought I would. My knees have been bothering me, and I'm just going to have to stop. Maybe climbing, it's so low impact, and it didn't cause me any trouble. So, I'll give that some time.
So yeah, life is good on the whole, I miss Nicole like crazy, but I'm doing better about staying away. So yeah, things are going in the right direction
Life and Times
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. To everyone. Over the past couple of days, I've really hurt some of the people closest to me. And I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and things felt off. I finally realized how mixed up I've gotten. Things seem to have spun a bit out of control, and I've just been treading water. I'm begining to make headway, it's just hard.
If I've seemed distant, it's because I'm kind of stuck in a bad place. I want to be alone, but I don't. I want to reach out, but I feel I shouldn't. So instead, I just am in this weird place. Letting people near, only to shut the door.
And in a very Nicole moment…
As I was writing this, my mentor at work walked in and I basically had forgotten to do something I needed to do. I just told him I've been in a fog and he's given me some advice. I already feel things coming back into control. I have a plan, now. Everything is going to be ok.
Life and Times
So the past couple of days, I've been a bit cryptic and have mentioned being distracted. Well, basically, Nicole is trying to get her life together and has asked me to basically give her some time to herself. This has turned out to be harder than either of us thought.
So yeah, trying to leave each other alone is not very easy. It's hard to go from being so close to someone, and very much included in their life, to having to watch anonymously from the outside. So that's made things rough.
Today, I think we finally took a step in the right direction. Hopefully, I can truly stay out of her way, and she can get things in order. But for now, I am ok. I'm not great, but I'm ok.
Life and Times
Finally, I'm feeling better about things. Things aren't great. But they are definitely getting better. I see things going in the right direction. Which is what I want to see. It's just now a matter of time.
Life and Times
