TLW
Just as it was a year ago, this is a hard post to write. This day brings up a multitude of feelings within me and my family. It's hard to think that two years ago, Terry was called by God to go home. I still find it hard to believe that it happened.
Terry's death reminded a lot of us of our own mortality. That one's time here is fleeting. For my family, Terry's death was a call to live life. It was a high price to pay for such a lesson, but God had his reasons, and so I must accept what happened. Not happily, but with knowledge that God does things for a reason, and every even, large or small, has some purpose in the greater picture.
It is an odd time to stop and reflect on where I've come in the past year. Yet for me, July 10th is one of the best days. Terry died when I was in a bad stage of my life. My grandfather had just died, school wasn't going well, and I was just struggling to find direction. I was juggling taking a class along with the responsibility of running a camp. I was just trying to keep my head above water.
And then my perspective on what was important changed forever.
Over the past two years, I've changed a great deal. Having lost a cousin who was so young; not even reaching his prime, things just seemed different. I've noticed things around me that I never would have before. I've been able to see things a lot more clearly, partially because I finally stopped to take the time to look around.
I've learned a lot about forgiveness. That it takes more to forgive those who tresspass against you, then it does to hate. But I've realized that hatred and anger can easily consume one's whole being. It's not easy to forgive. It's hard to forgive the man who killed Terry. It's hard to forgive the police who botched the investigation. But as a Christian, I must. They are men, as I am a man, and we all make mistakes. And there is enough pain and guilt in them for what they have done. My anger would do nothing to help the situation.
It has been a long two years. A lot has happened. There has been good, there has been bad. I'm happy where I have come. It's where I wanted to be. I wish that I didn't have to lose Terry to get here. It would've been nice to share my joy, and they joy of all my family, with him.
But he sees where we are now. He knows that he has not been forgotten, but that he has had an impact on our lives. I know he smiles down at us every day, blessing us. It's a comforting thought; one that has helped me a great deal these past two years.
Terry Lee Walker, 1984-2002
Gone, but never forgotten
